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Be certain you have stowed all sensitive topics under the seat in front of you. Heavier conversations about exes and lists of dealbreakers should be placed in the overhead bin, and please do not delve into them as emotions may shift in flight.
If you are seated in a speed-dating seat, you must be able to demonstrate a modicum of cleverness and charm, without causing harm to yourself or others.
Men acting like teenage boys may not sit in a dating seat. If you are seated in a dating seat and do not meet these requirements, please notify a flight attendant at this time.
To release, simply use crude boy humor. We appreciate your business. We know you have options for your airline dating needs, so we thank you for choosing Affection Airlines.
August 25, Categories: Dating Services , Relationships Tags: And then, the moment you become single again, you find yourself in a dried up pond where the only fish still flapping with life are the bottom feeders or those creepy all tooth and lights and no soul kind?
Where did the swarms of eager bachelors go? When the people around you can see you as you are in a relationship, they see the whole put-together package.
They see the way you dote on your man or girl, as the sitch calls for. You know how this goes — you walk past the window and see that they already have the pencil skirt and Bohemian-chic top impeccably paired with a whimsical summer scarf and the perfect chunky, but not too chunky accessories.
You want THAT version. You have to put together your own. You could bag an even better shopper while you still have the vestiges of relationship success clinging to your pencil skirt.
But, alas, when we try to do that, we unfortunately bypass an essential step in our own journey…blah blah…something …something…personal growth.
The same goes here. You all know this is true. But, not all the way…? This is where those past boyfriend endorsements can really come in handy.
August 15, Categories: From the sea of singledome, if you listen closely, you can hear the quiet cries of women everywhere — often too individually timid to talk to men about some of the most infuriating behaviors we encounter in dating — often too scared to confront these issues for fear that the man will run — often too insecure in our own identities to claim the love and care we deserve.
And hear me on this — for MOST of these issues, it truly is a blind spot. Ok — here we go…. Our love-thirsty hearts hear something that sounds future-thinking and we let hope bubble up that the guy sees a real future with us.
Sometimes these are subtle and sometimes men must just not think at all when throwing around such weighty words…. Here are a few examples.
These are phrases that a man might toss out during conversation in the initial courtship phase think — dates 1 through He likes me enough to want to travel with me.
If you really DO see a future with us, then by all means, say so! We can handle a slower clip. This is one of the classic blunders. But only slightly less well-known is this: Are men this fickle?
And usually, we go to a pretty pessimistic place. This one is such a FINE line. In fact, it can spice up the relational banter considerably.
But it is SO easy for men to take it to a mean place without even realizing it. I just had a friend ask my advice on this issue this morning.
Her guy will unwittingly join in with a mutual friend and tease her to the point of bullying. Men, the best way to diffuse this particular blind spot is to pay attention to her non-verbal cues.
If you even think you MAY have crossed this line… now this gets very intricate and tricky, so try to keep up — ask.
Yup — that simple. Soften your demeanor always a plus in just about every encounter with a woman and approach her kindly with something like this: This can only go one of two ways.
Now, some women care more than others, so I may be a bit of an outlier here… but I honestly do not care what kind of car you have.
Another way this issue can surface is in simply talking TOO much about yourself. And this includes false humility too. Desperately begging for us to give you another chance is like seeing a wounded animal on the side of the road and wanting to see it put out of its misery.
They are SO similar…. If you DO decide to press the issue, and I cannot stress this enough — do it in a winsome way. How do you do this without coming off desperate or smarmy?
Be the guy who wins her over by mentally seducing her with your charm, wit and adorable persistence. Begging is not sexy.
But — we girls put a lot of thought into how we look, what we say, heck — the WAY we sit on a date even… so, throw us a bone every now and then.
If you like something, say so. No matter how liberated we are, women want a man who will take charge and initiate spending time with us. But, so often, in this lazy, postmodern dating world, men just sit back and wait for women to chase after them.
But, oh, man — to be pursued… and well? Trust me on this. Every woman loves the spontaneous stuff too. Planning requires both of those… hence, planning is romantic.
I know, I know…in the movies, the romance always happens on the fly. But if you can deal, so can I. We LOVE the spontaneous gestures.
But we also really love being thought of. Oh, that makes my heart feel smooshy just thinking about it. The very fact that there are successful dating relationships happening out there is a testimony to the fact that a.
That oughtta keep hope alive for a while… right? August 13, Categories: And, beliefs are ever-changing, as people get more information.
Also — the more self-aware and reflective a person is, the more those beliefs can be fluid and dynamic as the relationship moves and changes.
The same is true in reverse. I try to give the most honest picture of who I am — even sometimes to the unfortunate point of coming across pushy or overbearing — so that a guy will KNOW me.
If he knows the real me, he can decide what he believes about me and about us. So — radical honesty. And in the end, I think it brings a lot of happiness and peace.
Feedback helps you fix things for the next time, right? For MY part, I do. So often, the reasons why someone would choose NOT to date me — HE thinks will hurt my feelings, but in actuality, it will help me make the break from him more easily.
The following are true life scenarios from the experiences of close girlfriends. Imagine how each of these would be bettered by simply having access to the thoughts of the other person:.
A week or so later they meet up for coffee and it turns into an all-day coffee, wine, amazing conversation, kissing and incredible connection all day and into the evening.
Again — how nice would it be for her to have a glimpse into his thinking? Any of this would be information — which is what all of us women want!
I stifle men with my honestly curious approach. The next day, he had the guts to ask what the disconnect was the night before.
He had a great sense of humor about it and — problem solved! I think the 2 problems standing in our way of NOT being honest are:. Not wanting to hurt feelings.
My children are adorable , than to know nothing. So — help a sista out and at least put us on the right, albeit hard to hear, path.
Not being honest with yourself. Makes my heart swell to think about it…. It also softened our fears or hesitations in feeling free to be honest with each other.
It was like, we already knew each other well enough to feel safe asking tricky questions or saying how we really felt about each other.
How often are you: More than 15min late? Describe a circumstance when it would be acceptable to be more than 15min late:.
How much time percentage each day do you spend in reflection about yourself, your significant other, etc. What is your love language? Do you think you have the capacity or the desire?
How are you financially? Do you stick to a budget, or try to? How important is it to you that your mate understands you deeply? Under what circumstances would you consider filing for divorce?
This is a difficult question but please elaborate openly. August 11, Categories: What is UP with all the cheaters out there?
My best friend and I were out a few weekends ago — and at nice places, too — not some seedy bar — and encountered two such individuals.
She was well-dressed, sitting alone, ostensibly meeting a girlfriend… and then we watched her full-on come on to a handsome man at the bar between us.
I mean… come on, Chatty VonMarriedson…. If finding love is like a scavenger hunt, then the wedding ring is the best read: And who wants to throw off a delicate system?
How did I discover this? Well — as any good singularly-focused woman on the manhunt would do — as I approached the gate seating area, I surveyed the room carefully, like a seasoned sniper, and chose the most ruggedly handsome man not wearing a wedding band, to sit next to.
Sure enough — after making what I can only label as supremely charming conversation for a few minutes, his wife and kid came and sat down on the other side of him, heaving with Disney paraphernalia and dibs.
I suppose I should be happy for this family. They have each other…precious…. Blended and all that. It was just there to tease me. People -here is a simple set of rules to follow: Mnemonics and all that.
And go to counseling. Wear your ring and pray for mercy on your depraved soul. Heck, there really should even be a ring for people who are seriously dating.
There would be different colors, to signify the varying levels of commitment. You know, when you get to the point of not dating anyone else you get your beginner ring Red.
You might as well go in rainbow order, right? Introducing her to the family? What are we, primitives? August 9, Categories: Online Dating World , Relationships Tags: Kissing is like finding the perfect wine.
No — we ALL want the deliciously smooth, but exciting bold flavors of that perfect French red. The one that, when you take a sip of it just after a bite of amazing food, makes your mouth explode with flavor and sing with celebration.
And luckily, there are lots of varieties of fine wines and fine kissers. Or that kicky Argentinian Carmenere. Or… or… the list goes on.
And kissers are just about the same. What makes a kiss good or bad? It comes from a place of real desire. The best kind is the passion that lives in you and is part of the core of who you are.
A good kiss comes from a thoughtful place. Finding that rhythm of passion that makes a so-so kiss an amazing kiss — is like gold.
If the wine is willing to evolve… I can be patient. As in — down the drain. Mob humor is never not funny. I had an experience a few months ago with a guy who was handsome, smart, funny, had a great career and was a charming conversationalist.
On our second date — he kissed me. And it was our last date. Things that still make me want to rock in a corner with my special lovee… , was laziness.
He was SUCH a lazy kisser. I almost thought it was a joke at first. He leaned in, closed his eyes and pretty much just shoved his face into mine until our lips smooshed together.
There was no movement. His hands stayed down by his side. I might have fallen asleep from the sheer unimaginativenesss of it all were it not for the steady assault on my face.
So, I dared not give up so quickly. So, I put my hand behind his neck and gave him some of my best moves. I wasted my prime smooching material on lazy-guy.
And what did I get in return? More of his lips just pressed against mine — occasionally backing away and then coming in again for a landing.
My grandmother kisses with more passion! I had to tell him something. What does one say? Good kissing is amazing. Bad kissing is horrible. Obviously not the ONLY one, but an important one.
August 1, Categories: When one waxes on about something… the noun form. As I cull through online profiles or interact with men at fill-in-the-blank: In the last few days, I had a eureka moment where I finally figured out WHY it is that we have such an abundance of boys around…and so few men!?!
This is gonna get good. There are varying levels of maturity for boys and men, …this goes beyond that. Being a boy has everything to do with self-absorbtion and nothing to do with fun.
A man, in his self-awareness, has the freedom to truly be: So — men and boys? This comes across as either immaturity or an opposite defensive move — meanness, distancing, game-playing, gas-lighting, stone-walling, etc.
And never about the sacrificing. He disguises his own fears by masquerading as strong or unfeeling. Not in a co-dependent way, but in a caring place — out of his own strength.
Quick caveat on this. Think of us like a highly expensive and delicate vase. It needs to be cared for and valued.
And yes — sometimes dealt with more gently than a table saw. Not particularly imaginative…which goes right to my point.
And then acts from a place of thoughtfulness. Pair this with him knowing about YOU? This is part of that effort I alluded to earlier.
And let me just beat you to the punch — I know women can do these things. Has the capacity and desire to look at his past hurts and identify them.
THIS is what distinguishes a codependent relationship from an interdependent one. I do a lot of these…side notes. This idea of knowing your woundedness and letting the other person in the relationship come alongside you to work through it rather than putting it on that person — is something that many women are good at.
This is not weakness. Especially when it comes to a woman. He knows what qualities he desires and when he sees them, he actively chases after them.
Once again — it IS very warm in here…right? If a man chooses to be with you — to commit to you — then he also takes seriously his participation in that relationship.
He takes ownership of your well-being along with his own and yes, women — we have to do this too, to be set apart from the girls. Can you sense it coming?
Time for another aside. One of my biggest pet-peeves is a lame-sauce apology. This would be the boy-caliber kind. It may look something like this: I am really sorry.
It means swallowing pride, but more at its core, it means recognizing the error and taking responsibility for the part you played in messing up.
I rarely, if ever, make mistakes. This might seem obvious. Being your true self exposes you to misunderstanding at best and cruelty at worst.
But, oh… when you find that safe space that a woman who truly loves you can offer? I really am sorry that this is going on SO long. We say with our lips, and believe in our deep-down spots that we want a man.
But we ACT out of loneliness, desperation, fear like we want a boy. Maybe at some level we feel like their reliance on us is love?
But for whichever or all of those reasons and more — we pick the outwardly charming, but inwardly selfish guy. WHY does he treat me so badly?
All his attention is inward. Here are some examples of how women keep men acting like boys. How we play the game to our own detriment. Instead of saying how we really feel — and maybe making it more acceptable for him to also say how HE feels, we play the game and clam up.
We give a boy what he wants — in bed. By giving in and having sex with a guy before WE are ready, we send a message that you can just have that — without any relational work.
Similarly, we do the same thing with our affection. We reward the wrong things. Remember that conditioning I talked about in an earlier post?
Then, when they continue to act like boys when they should have miraculously become a man, we resent their relational dependency that we so once loved.
We want a man, but we created a boy. And that works out rather well — because it leaves the space in front of me open for a man. July 30, Categories: Huge surprise there, am I right?
I think what they MEAN is that they either: The first is legit, the second is lazy. I maintain that everyone wants drama. We want sparks and fireworks and butterflies and ultimately — real love.
At least I do. I suppose there are men out there who would be ok with a sort of mediocre companionship.
Maybe even needs you. In that healthy — you bring out the best version of me — kind of way. Someone with whom you can be intimate. All of the best moments of my life have been full of drama.
The best moments are full of drama. So — I suppose this is why love is such an enormous risk… because if you REALLY put yourself in the way of drama…er…love, then you risk having your heart crushed.
And no one wants that drama. I want passion and fire. And yes, I am well aware that after that first season of initial infatuation, that the fire dies down into the steady glowing embers of faithfulness and friendship.
But I love that too. And I think that there is a certain dramatic poetry to that kind of relationship as well. And I love it. July 25, Categories: No, not a matchmaker.
Sort of like Hitch, but …white, and with more estrogen. Think of it like a makeover, but more for your personality. If there are more people like me out there compelling the men of the world to make contact with women the way we dream of, then maybe we really WILL start seeing more of those RomCom encounters we want — preferably without the com.
This may or may not involve me asking you to just go, but it will certainly include profuse apologizing, topic-changing and basically an entire structural reorg.
These are pearls, so — my publicist would kill me for just giving them away for free… but, what can I say?
Do you want to date me or eat me? My personal fantasy involves me scooping my eyes out with a melon-baller. Even if it smells good.
A little goes a long way. When in doubt, err on the side of the woman not being able to smell the cologne at all than to smell too much. A good rule of thumb should be — we should only be able to catch a whiff of it if we get very close e.
An entire population of people — summed up with such ignorance… good grief. You think I should relax that rule, huh?
I am embarrassed for us as a society, that this still has to be spelled out. Look, I know men are visual. But, are they also completely unable of exercising self-discipline?
I mean, this is simple conditioning. Yes — in this scenario, women are rats. In hindsight, I might have chosen a better metaphor, but here we are.
Again — not the creepy kind where too much of the whites of your eyes are showing and your chin is jutted out like a crazed psycho.
A clean gig line is halfway to love, baby. But that first date — if the guy pays, it sends a message about his character. When a guy leans in to talk to me and I can smell minty deliciousness, he gets major points.
One of my services is providing lists of appropriate questions, based on prior level of contact, number of dates, etc. And for those of you advanced enough — ask questions within the questions this is SO Inception-y.
What is it about that church fill in here — job, hobby, music, etc. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Much better than buying an expensive dinner. I feel like a National Geo explorer who just discovered some amazing new bird And I am certainly NOT doing this to add another pool of single men into my sphere of contact.
That would be selfish and opportunistic…. July 22, Categories: You are no different from anyone else when it comes to the basics of what you want in a partner.
Obviously everyone is unique and has certain idiosyncrasies that set them apart in what makes them choose one over another.
But, the basics…the standard fare — is always the same. Can we start an uprising? A revolutionary new way of approaching this?
Say something that sets you apart. Do we have to SAY that? The beach is beautiful, day or night. Walking hand in hand with someone you love is delightful.
I think they must think that we need to hear them admit to being homebodies? Everyone likes vegging out on the sofa.
Everyone likes having someone around to snuggle with. Again…put these together and you have a universally acceptable partner activity.
You have to say this? I mean, barring all those people with cripplingly painful laughter muscle diseases… obvi.
But, are there women out there who hate it when they laugh? Try picturing someone laughing and hating it at the same time…kinda funny, right?
Kinda makes you want to laugh, right? So, wait… you love love? This one really chaps my hide. Why do they have to be so extreme? I mean… I like to enjoy life as much as the next guy, but….
So — there you have it. July 19, Categories: These catch my eye because a. Settlers of Catan, Scrabble , social family games e.
Taboo, Guesstures , or card games. I talked at length about this with my last boyfriend. As in — really. It also rarely happens….
I guess perhaps I should have been mean to him too. Is this how to get guys? This keeps all the power on their side, with the woman questioning where she stands.
Is this not a game? Sounds gamey to me…. One of the sweetest things I ever heard in this regard, was from my best friend.
Are we gonna meet up or what? This is some tricksy stuff. And…the saddest part about it is…. Standing in front of a boy.
July 17, Categories: Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
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